I will be speaking of myself, if other names appear they will be made up to protect others. Trying to tie in those names will be fruitless.
Wanted to say that directly, before I start, giggling I have never blogged in my life. So many mistakes in many areas you could very well find.
A day in the new life of Me ( Dear reader we all have to start somewhere, this is my start) (present day 9/18/2019)
So let me start with 5 Jun 1958 the day I opened my baby blues. Let’s see that does in fact make me 29 years of age. By the way I will stay 29 for the rest of my life.
Dear old dad was in the Air Force and I was born in Las Vegas Nevada. Lived there for a very short time, if I seen the bright lights of Vegas I surely don’t remember.
I can say from the year 1958 as I grew, I was nothing but a little person growing under my parents rule.
I had pretty much a wonderful home life as I grew up. All the things I ever needed were always there for me. A wonderful mother that cooked cleaned loved my dad with all of her heart. And would get on to me for sneaking cookies. I did love cookies, candy bars, and cotton candy.
School was school, well I had to go, I would have rather take apart my dad’s lawnmower and see what was inside. Needless to say did I get into trouble for that one. I enjoyed tools of all kinds, I was a mechanic in the making from the start.
If it was a book for school oh I would look at it, but it was so boring to me, pretty much always. But hand me a book with the breakdown of a carburetor and how to rebuild it. Every word was gospel to me plain and simple.
Birthdays began to pass, and seemed out of nowhere I was 11 years old. I made friends but many times it was boys like me that well simply put, on my level with thoughts about the same of life. Like I really knew a lot about life lol. I was a just a kid in a three bedroom home on a safe street, that watched for the street lights to come on, then it was run home. Dad would be home, so showing up late was not going to happen. Why well a wide belt could very well remind me to mind what my parents said, and the rules they gave me. If I didn’t listen to my mom, she would say, wait till your father gets home. That meant trouble for me pretty much every time.
Then as life would have it, a Friday night came about and a good friend of mine named Billy. Wanted to spend the night, well I shared a room with my brother John. So really that was kind of hard to work out, unless he was gone to his friend’s house for the night.
So I asked dad could we put up a tent in the back yard so Billy can stay the night. He said ok, so cookies, soda flash lights and comic books we gathered. Had a couple of old blankets mom gave me to use.
So in the year of 1969, I was having a sleep over with one of my best friends Billy. We had our tent put up, everything in place. It was very different never did that before, without a TV or board game to spend our time together. Comics wasn’t enough just boring, time passed we talked about silly things really.
I’m not sure what time it was, we covered up and just kind of laid there I believe, thinking we would just fall asleep. Flash lights off, very dark, Billy said something to me, I frankly don’t remember what it was. But he touched me, and what was very odd I didn’t stop him.
I noticed many girls I liked or thought maybe one would be my girlfriend one day. But no one really ever came about that way.
So what I was feeling was something I never had felt in my life. Sure I was just a boy, and explored myself, but by another never came about not even a kiss.
What happened in what seemed like no time at all, happened, adding no hand were used. After it did, I was still, wasn’t thinking at all. I did not know what to think. Then my best friend kissed me like the movies, well kind of.
What really made me think later I didn’t try to stop him? It well for whatever the reason felt right to me. I never kissed anyone like that, and not until years later did I understand why that kiss was salty. Yes I was young and so very much unknowing of what just happened.
But moments later maybe even seconds I can’t recall, my dad’s voice rang out and clearly he said ( boys come on out of there ) We jumped up and out of the tent, replied yes dad what’s wrong. He looked at Billy and told him, (son you need to go on home now.)
I exclaimed Dad what’s wrong? Thinking did he hear us? What did he hear? I was scared to be honest.
Son! Go to bed we will talk tomorrow. I did as I was told, there was no other choice.
My next day, dad woke me up before he headed to work. He instructed me that Billy wasn’t allowed to come over, and said I will be watching. Last night what happened will never happen again understand? It was all with a fair voice but also dead serious. I knew better than to cross my dad.
All that happened mostly began to fade away, I really never thought too much of it to be honest. Dad said don’t ever again, I understood he was teaching me something. I always looked up to my father. So life went on, I just didn’t push being around Billy ever again.
I did talk with Billy the second day after church, yes every Sunday and Sunday nights also, every week. It was not a choice, but in many ways I am glad I did, learned much about many things through church.
I had to tell my best friend I think Dad knew what we did, and that he won’t let me play with you again. I was sorry, but it was simple to me, if I didn’t, surely, big trouble would come back to me. That was it!
Dad did watch, I could feel it, I explained to him I understood. It won’t happen again ever dad. Alright (it better not) he said. And it didn’t, I never gave it another thought.
I grew up, out of high school, into the Army, no I didn’t know what I was doing really, but I joined for three years.
I left basic and AIT and came home for a one week break before going back. I met a sweet lady or so I thought. I was 19 and she was 21, blond beautiful and we ended up like rabbits, and I thought I found heaven all of that crazy sex we had. I just figured we were forever. I asked her come back to Ft. Riley with me. Did I really understand love not really at all. I learned the hard way, I was deployed and when I returned I found out I married a complete slut! Divorced her, and moved into the billets.
About a year later I met another, she was a sister of a friend, we hit it off almost right away. Our first time, yes all the safety we thought was done just right, very careful. It was wonderful the best experience of my life I believe, all was right in the world. Until I pulled out, and there it was, my protection failed me and broke sitting there around the base.
I told her, baby look, she looked, we both dropped our mouths wide open in fear and surprise. A month later, she greeted me with hello daddy. I was taken back, smiled and told her I loved her. Thing is I did, we married early on. She hadn’t finished high school as of yet. I was afraid but had to face her parents; they had met me and shared dinner etc. and many other events. They could see I truly cared and loved her. We married and had a Son my first born. A year and a half later a beautiful daughter appeared, I had the perfect little family.
But in all that I felt would be forever didn’t happen. After that divorce I ended up marring my baby sitter. Oh my! Could I spin a tale on how that came about! But it did, she was such a wonderful young lady, my heart was hers forever, on year two of our marriage, she was found to have cancer, on the fourth year it beat her and she passed. Very sad and very hard on me. My children loved her very much, I believed she was my everything.
But life goes on, I met another and fell in love once again. Very happy in all things, she had two children herself. Married for many years, my children brought us 11 grand children, and in time 2 great grand children.
I won’t go into why each marriage failed or why things changed, but the fact is it did.
In 2002 I retired from the army with a little under 30 years of service. In 2005 I had a heart attack. Bypass surgery followed but as luck would have it, I also had a massive stroke on the table during that surgery.
I retired from work completely in 2006. My health was number one, so I tried to do the best that I could with what life would bring next. I became stronger, but I never ever felt the same. Still with the same spouse for many many years. Then one day for reasons I could never really understand. Something was said that would change me forever.
I was never as strong as I used to be. Not just in body, but also my mind. I was so different. I was afraid a good bit more than I would ever admit before. But life between my wife and I changed. I was changing so very much, I could not see where I was going back then.
So this is where my new journey began. It all started for me I believe 2008. A day in my new life began, and each day after, something else came to pass as I learned more and more about myself.
Before I continue with this story of my journey, I can tell you this, CTS did come into play, but not right away. And in the days that came about, I became who I am today. I joined CTS about four years ago now.
Next time I will continue with what played through my mind and lead me on this journey that changed my life forever. As I explain how I grew into myself and what I learned as it all came to full focus for me.
Till next time my friends Sincerely,